Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
