he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
