I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
