Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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