I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
