i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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