Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
