How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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