I think i peed on brittanys purse
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
