we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
