it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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