Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
