I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
