It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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