Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
