My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
