On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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