That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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