How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
