remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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