Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
