I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
His nipple licking is glorious
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