Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
