I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your cock deserves a montage
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
