I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
