Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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