So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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