the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
