soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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