My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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