he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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