God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
