We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
