That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
