My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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