we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
