would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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