Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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