im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
