Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Enjoy the penises
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
