Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
