yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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