the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
