And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
home. puking in laundry basket.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize