there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she pinky promised me she was 18
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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