youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
