I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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