honey bunches of taint.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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