i think my mom watched the whole time
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
