We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
