I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
