we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
