you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
