I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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