I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
