I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
