eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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