i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
