Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize