I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
